A Step to Nowhere Read online

  White ceiling and white walls, this smell, like a forest, but it wasn’t a forest. What was it?

  I lifted myself, supporting on my shaking hands. White walls and no windows. I lay on a bed with a metal headboard and there was a metal table beside it. A chain extended from a leg of the table to the wall, a glass of water was on the table. I picked it up and almost dropped it; it seemed so heavy. The operation was still successful; I chugalugged the liquid and only as the last few drops poured into my mouth I realized the water had an unusual taste. There was a bitter tang in my mouth.

  Where am I? What happened?

  The roomed looked like a jail cell or a hospital ward. A hospital ward for nutcases who could break a bed, throw a table into a wall, and jump from a window. Could it be that I lost my mind and my mom sent me to a crazy house? Could it be that I didn’t remember it?

  No, it’s not possible. I’m not crazy.

  “Though all lunatics consider themselves normal, don’t you think so Mr. Holmes? Have you met a lot of lunatics, Dr. Watson? I sure have … I’m talking to myself. Out loud.”

  Ray!

  I jumped from the bed and hardly stood on my feet when my head spun and darkness covered my vision. I had to get back to bed, on my side. Now I remembered what had happened. We had been waiting for a person who supposedly was spying on me. Ray was by the farmer’s market with boxes of vegetables and fruit; I was in the coffee shop across the plaza. I received a message from him and ran outside, but was seized and kidnapped by three men: one behind the wheel and two on the backseat. The one who had brown eyes injected something into my arm and I disconnected with reality. They brought me here. Why? What was this place? What were they going to do with me?

  I checked my clothes and discovered my shirt and jeans, but no jacket or my darn gym shoes. At least they hadn’t undressed me completely.

  I felt a little better after drinking the water. The dizziness went away. When my hands stopped shaking I tried to get off the bed again, but my legs still felt mushy. I still managed to circle the small room, touching the smooth, cold walls.

  What is it? Is it an apartment? No sounds, total silence … and this smell.

  Could it be air freshener? It could be. Probably that’s what it was. Too artificial. I couldn’t find the door. Only after a second round I discovered an outline indicating a possible exit. I knocked on the assumed door but the sound came out muffled, as if the walls had been stuffed with sound isolating material. Just as it would be in a nuthouse.

  “Hey! Somebody! Assholes! Let me out now!”

  I’d almost damaged my voice, but there was no sound back.

  “Let me out,” I whispered. I slid down to the floor beside the door, hugged my knees, and put my chin on them. I was thirsty again and my stomach called for attention in the form of food. Good thing I didn’t need to use the restroom, otherwise I’d do it on the floor. Not really honorable. I gazed at the opposite white wall, the metal bed covered with white sheets, and at the table chained to the hook in the wall. For how long were they going to keep me here? Maybe it was some sort of experiment to see how long a person could stay and not go crazy in a white room without windows, with the smell of freshly cut grass, and not go crazy. Not too long, I guarantee. I was ready to kill someone; wasn’t that a sign of madness? And why had the water tasted so weird? They must have added something to it.

  Something hissed and I jerked to the side. It really was a door and it started to open upwards. I sat on the floor and waited for it to reach the top. The door was opening upwards. Either I was crazy or they had to have done something to the water. A door couldn’t open up. It could happen only in a movie. Then a person in a gray overall entered the room. The wide pants closed at the bottom with elastic, the sleeves were buttoned at the wrists, the collar went to the chin, and a wide black belt hugged the waist. The person was holding a bottle of Evian in his hand and he stared at the empty bed. I started to stand up and he spun toward me. Another one with brown eyes. A brown-eyed men invasion. This one had his hair parted in the middle and smoothed with gel. He had acne and a skinny mustache. Not a handsome man by any means and his glare didn’t help. He lighted up for a moment and went out like a Christmas tree.

  “Who are you? Where am I? What do you want from me?” I blurted out.

  The man lifted his other hand and showed me a gray device, something like a TV remote with a mass of multicolored buttons on both sides.

  “Seventy watts. Can be unpleasant,” he said.

  I thought that he talked with some kind of accent, but I was in such a state that I couldn’t be sure of anything. Of course, when somebody promised to electrocute you instead of saying hello it could slow down the intellectual process. Can be unpleasant. He executed his thoughts pretty laconically.

  “Thank you for the information,” I said.

  “It’s water,” Brown-eyes said, and put the bottle on the table. “Just water. The one you’ve gotten used to. I see you drank the neutralizer.”

  “I drank what?”

  The brown eyes looked at me.

  “The drink neutralizing the tranquilizer in your bloodstream. Now you need food.”

  He pressed a button on the remote. It probably had other functions besides electrocuting women who disobey. Another man entered the room. He was dressed in the same style of clothing and had a metal tray in his hands. He didn’t look at me, but walked to the table, put the tray on it, grabbed the empty glass, and left. Everything done making no eye contact with me.

  “Do you need to use a bathroom facility?” Brown-eyes asked.

  “You care about my needs. I’m touched.”

  “Do you need a bathroom?”

  “What about telling me the frigging reason I’m here? What about letting me go? Who the hell are you?”

  “Do you need a bathroom?”

  “Are you a robot?”

  “I’m asking you for the last time …”

  “Yes!”

  Another button pressed and something hissed on the opposite side from the exit. The door rose up, opening a round room the size of those on planes, with a regular toilet and a sink. I went inside. The door slid down without me asking for it. There was no mirror in the room and space enough only for a turn. A plastic box with a soap bar was attached to the wall; toilet paper was where it was supposed to be. Nothing unusual. I knocked after finishing my business and the door opened.

  “Are you going to tell me what’s going on?” I asked, as calmly as possible. Screaming, obviously didn’t work to my benefit.

  Brown-eyes pressed a button on his remote, waited for the door to open; then he put the water bottle on the bedside table, and turned to the exit.

  “Hey! What does it mean? Don’t go! Hey, jerk! Stop!”

  I’d never talked like this to draw attention to myself, but the door went down and I was left alone.

  “Am I sleeping?”

  Only it wasn’t a dream. I approached the table and stared at something green on one plate and something white on another. I sat down on the bed, opened the water bottle, and drank almost half of it. I wanted to pick up one of the plates, but it was glued to the tray.

  “Aha. I see. So, it is a nuthouse. It means I had some kind of mental breakdown and some kind soul took care of me. I went crazy, but didn’t know about it. It means, there was no Ray. Right? What else can all of this mean?”

  I hugged my shoulders, closed my eyes, and imagined … no, I remembered his face, his eyes, his lips. He really had been with me. Why would I make it up? I hadn’t had episodes of schizophrenia. Could I not know about it though?

  “Stop talking nonsense!”

  I opened my eyes, bent over the plate, and sniffed the white substance. It smelled like cheese. The green stuff smelled like grass.

  What is this? Astronaut food?

  The spoon was on the tray, but I dipped my finger in the white and licked it. It tasted like potatoes and cheese with too much salt. I didn’t want to risk trying the gree
n. I didn’t want to drink either. My bladder would get full and I had no idea when they would visit me and let me use the toilet again.

  I lay down on my back and stared at the ceiling.

  Snow white and smooth as a china plate.

  Where am I? All of this is absurd, scary, and incomprehensible.

  I couldn’t even speculate as to why I was here. What was this place?

  Am I a lab rat?

  Maybe. Some experimental drug was going to be tested on my skin. But why me? What did they do to Ray? What if they kidnapped him too? Then he could be here also, in one of these rooms. How many rooms were there? What had I done? I shouldn’t have told him about all this stuff over the phone. What had I done really?

  I turned on my side and pulled my knees to my chest. I wanted to eat, but not this greenish white porridge. When were they going to check on me again? When were they going to explain why I was here? What if they weren’t going to do that at all? If I was a lab rat, no one would tell me the plans. Lab rats didn’t have rights. They would cut its tail and ears then wait for them to grow back, writing down the results in their research files. You were nothing to them but an object for experiments, a thing.

  That’s horrible.

  “Ray, I’m so sorry.”

  I assumed it was dangerous and I should have kept it a secret. Who would watch your every step for no reason, like there was nothing better to do?

  I lay in silence, self-loathing, trying to find a purpose for being here, panicking from time to time, and finally I fell asleep.

  CHAPTER 9

  A hissing sound awoke me. I opened my eyes wide and sat up, but couldn’t distinguish a person in front of me. My vision was blurred and when it cleared I couldn’t believe I was really awake.

  “Ray!”

  I rushed to him, pressed myself to his chest, clasped his back, but he barely touched me with his hands.

  “Sam.”

  I moved away from him, looked him in the eyes.

  “I’m so sorry I drew you into this,” I said. “I didn’t know. Did they treat you okay? I mean, they didn’t hit you? Did they inject you with something too? Where did they keep you? Did they explain anything to you at all?”

  I stopped talking when my lover put his head down and that was when I noticed that he, unlike me, had changed his clothes. His clothes were the same as the men before him were wearing. Also, I noticed that the door rolled down and we were alone in the room.

  “They gave you clothes. Did they talk to you? What’s going on?”

  Ray looked at me, ran his hand over my hair, but now I didn’t sense the warmth, I didn’t see the warmth in his eyes. It was like nothing had happened between us.

  “Ray, do you know what all of this means?”

  He searched the room, his gaze rested on the tray.

  “You didn’t eat,” he said.

  I didn’t answer, but watched him walking to the bed and sitting down.

  “How are you?” There was a sincere interest in his voice.

  “Better now,” I answered quietly. I didn’t want to think, but couldn’t stop. What did they do to him? He was a different person. He wasn’t even like the Ray I had met eight years ago. What did they inject him with? … Or? ... No, it couldn’t be.

  “I know how it’s going to sound, but I ask you to forgive me, or at least, understand.”

  I was silent. The spiral of events untwisted in my mind faster and faster. My head started to spin, colored spots circled before my eyes. I didn’t want to hear what he was going to say next. I knew what it was going to be. Now everything collected into a logical picture. I understood that there were no coincidences. There were only naïve idiots who accepted the desirable for reality.

  “I really care about you. I didn’t want everything to end up like this. Unfortunately, I couldn’t stop it.”

  What was going on I didn’t understand. Where I was or why, either. I understood one thing, I understood what a person who had been betrayed felt. I didn’t want to believe it, but denial wouldn’t change the situation. The faster I accepted it, the better.

  Better for whom?

  Neither of us talked.

  “I didn’t know how to change it,” Ray said, when I had already started to suffocate from the tension in the air. “I hoped they wouldn’t find out, but it seems they keep everything under control. And everybody. Even me.”

  “Who they?” I said. It sounded rude. I didn’t mean it, but emotions boiled inside and I couldn’t hold them.

  “Corporation – A Step to Another World.”

  “Thanks. It’s so much clearer now,” I chuckled. Who was this person? Who did I spend time with during the last days? “Get off my bed, please.”

  He stood up. I waited until he moved away a few steps before sitting down.

  “Nice outfit. It suits you,” I said.

  Ray looked himself over, but didn’t say anything.

  “If I understand correctly, you are not a prisoner here.”

  “Not now,” he said. “Sam, I really care about you. You mean a lot to me.”

  I took the bottle, sipped some water.

  “Are you going to tell me where I am? Why am I a prisoner and you walk here … as if you are at home.”

  “You’re on the Planet One.”

  “Oh. Planet One. I see. Thank you very much for your hospitality and kindness. Can I go now? Will I get a nice costume like this? And some shoes, please. What would people think, seeing me barefoot?”

  I was talking, but waiting for him to say that it was a joke. That it was …

  “Sam, I can’t change anything. I tried, but …”

  “How about telling me what the heck is going on here?”

  “Heck?”

  “Oh, sorry. I hope I didn’t insult your ears.” I closed the bottle and put it back on the table.

  “No, it’s not that. I don’t think I’ve heard that word.”

  “You haven’t heard the word heck?”

  “We don’t use it in our world.”

  I grabbed the bottle again and finished the water. I wanted to heave it at him to get rid of some anger, but restrained myself. Instead I asked more questions.

  “You’re kidding, right? Can I ask what I did to you? What did … Seriously, tell me what all of this means? Did you sell me to someone? I’ve had all kinds of thoughts, but I would never have guessed that you could be involved in it. That you could do something like this to me. Why me? I haven’t seen you in five years!”

  “You won’t believe it right away.” Ray shoved his hand in his pocket. He didn’t take his eyes off me. “It’s difficult to believe, but …”

  “Tell me, right now.” I just drank water, but my mouth felt dry. “Stop playing with me. Everything you’re doing now is cruel and unfair.”

  “I’m not playing, trust me. I’m really Ray … but not the one you have known. Let’s say I’m his double. From an alternative universe.”

  “Oh. I see. Thank you.”

  I nodded, closed the bottle, and put it on the table, turned the tray. I didn’t want to think that the man I was in love with madly, the man I had been dreaming to meet for years, was mocking me. It seemed that the blood froze in my veins, I couldn’t move or talk. I refused to believe the obvious. I refused to believe in something I had already accepted. I didn’t know what he wanted from me or what awaited me in the future, but he wasn’t going to spend the rest of his life with me. All those feelings he was talking about were a lie. The frosting on a cake with poison inside.

  “I’ll tell you everything from the beginning. I want you to understand, or try …” Ray approached me and sat on the bed. I moved away from him and pressed against the cold wall. “Sam, don’t be afraid. I’m not going to hurt you.”

  “I didn’t know I should be afraid of you.” I tried to make the tone of my voice disdainful.

  “You mean a lot to me.”

  “I understood that, thank you. I don’t want you to sit by me.”
r />   Ray resettled on the floor in front of me. Now I was gazing at him from head to toe. He looked so handsome and helpless. I hated myself for my inability to change the course of my thoughts. I hated that I couldn’t even start, at least start hating him. Really, not just verbally. Words didn’t mean anything, but I was sure that after he had finished his story, only one word would stay with me. Hatred.

  “You really are in an alternative universe. A parallel world.”

  I sighed. Why did he do this to me? Did I offend him somehow? Did he take revenge because I refused to understand him? It couldn’t be.

  I know him!

  He was too smart for something like this. And noble … Didn’t I know him at all?

  “A few years ago we managed to open a gate to your planet,” Ray continued. “We called it Planet Two … I see you don’t believe me. I wouldn’t either.”

  “Talk, talk, it’s quite fascinating. Plus, there’s nothing else to do anyway. I have plenty of time, as I understand.”

  Ray stood up and pulled the same device from his pocket as the man before him had. Pressing a few buttons, he went to the opening door.

  “I need the news list!” he said to someone on the other side, where I couldn’t see. Before he turned back to me, a hand with a stack of papers had appeared in the hatch. Ray walked to me and gave me the papers.

  It was one long sheet, folded like a garland. It looked like a long band if you didn’t fold it after reading. Photos and articles. On the first page there was a picture of some man and a headline:

  PRESIDENT MADE A NEW RULE FOR THE LOTTERY!

  “Who’s president now?” Ray asked.

  “I’m not playing these games,” I said, looking at a plump man. He looked familiar, but I couldn’t remember who he was. The only thing I was sure of was that there was no president in the picture.

  “Your president is Obama. Ours—George Clooney.”

  George Clooney? The person in the photo looked different, but very much like him, I had to agree. It could be his new role. I went down three pages and stopped on a huge headline.